Avoid making an ass of yourself.

Seriously? UTI?

“Well, Mary, before you can understand the plumbing behind motorcycles, cars and boats, first you must understand your own.”

Dumbasses.

What’s wrong with this image?

Oh, right.

Ok, what’s up with this? They actually thought that “Golden Water” would be a good name for a massage parlor? Everyone born in the last three decades is immediately going to think of Dave Chappelle’s R. Kelly send-up.

A word to the wise: when selecting a business name, first consult any seven-year-old boy.

My friend Forest was hanging out in a bar and got this free promotional item from a Miller Lite girl.
I don’t know what is sadder: the fact that women need to re-stopper their drinks to avoid being drugged and date-raped, or the fact that Miller would actually try to capitalize on the situation by slapping their logo on the top.

I wouldn’t be at all surprised if other beer companies start competing in this lucrative new market. Anyone for genuine Coors Silver-Bullet Mace? How about the Bud Light Rape Kit?

This Wednesday, weather forecasters here in Boston predicted a massive storm that would blanket my city with at least 10 inches of snow. Boston preemptively declared a snow emergency, canceling school and towing cars. In point of fact, we got a dusting.

Forecasting the future isn’t an exact science. So maybe if the forecasters hadn’t acted so certain, all this nonsense could have been avoided.

GoDaddy‘s Superbowl commercials have long pandered to the lowest common denominator, playing off of the “wardrobe malfunction” theme and most recently with their “Too Hot for TV” ad.

I don’t mind a company pandering to its likely audience – that’s just good advertising. The problem here is that GD provides internet services: hosting, domain registration, email, etc. Individuals who are likely to use GD, however, are not the lowest common denominator. Generally, these individuals are looking for the most services for their dollar and the least hassle. They also understand that they will not be interacting with anyone (least of all, hot women) when they purchase or use these systems.

But what about that Lowest Common Denominator? Maybe they’ll decide that hosting a website might be sexy? Sorry, no. They won’t even go to GD’s site to see the “Too Hot for TV” ad, which was actually pretty tame, considering the build-up. No, they’ll just go straight to their favorite porn site. Next time, GD should try for clever or funny, or better-yet: sell their services.

My home, the most liberal state (er – Commonwealth) in the USA, just managed to elect a conservative republican senator. How did this happen?

All politics is local, so I took at look at the NYTime’s election results map by town.

It’s interesting. Towns like Lincoln and Newton, where the median single family home sells for more than $750,000, voted democrat. Why would the richest people in Massachusetts vote for “tax-and-spend” democrats? Maybe they still care about poor people and want to help them. It’s a nice thought.

So what’s up with Plymouth? Here’s a town where the median single family house is worth less than $300,000, and the unemployment rate is running at 9%. One would think that they would benefit most from healthcare reform. And yet nearly two-thirds of Plymouth residents voted republican. Maybe they still care about rich people and want to help them. That’s dumb.

I just went to see Avatar. I hate to admit it (I tend to find Hollywood blockbusters shallow and juvenile), but it turned out to be a good movie. Really.

I’m not sure if it really needs to be in 3D, though. In fact, it might have been a bit crisper without the blur the glasses caused. However, I’ll be the first to admit having the film in 3D is a brilliant move, business-wise. Because you won’t be able to get the “full” 3D experience at home when it comes out on DVD. Same goes for any illegal downloads. Anyone who wants to see the real Avatar is going to have to pony up the $13 for tickets.

And that’s just the beginning. There’s the Avatar PC game, the iPhone game, and, of course, toys.

Here’s the only dumb thing about the whole enterprise. Avatar’s main character is handicapped. But the Avatar website doesn’t meet Web Content Accessibility Guidelines. But that’s just sour grapes.

I was going to buy my brother this Red Sox t-shirt. Then I noticed something that stopped me in my tracks – the little “Majestic” logo.

My brother is a die-hard Red Sox fan. Not a die-hard Majestic Red Sox fan. No self-respecting fan would wear a t-shirt where the corporate logo of the manufacturer gets equal billing with the team name. Too bad Major League Baseball didn’t impress this fact on their vendors when they licensed out their team logos.

But hey, there’s plenty of other Red Sox merchandise out there. I’ll buy that instead. Way to go MLB and Majestic. Your craven need for corporate branding just cost you a sale.